burning at the centre of time

Being super-cryptic about this, but lately on the interwebs with all of the fuckery going on both in the world and in community settings,* some people make me want to punch things. And I can't say anything to these people, e.g. PISS OFF, YOU DON'T HELP, because they are sort of Important and have cultural cachet and I may need to not have bad blood with them in future.

(I am, perhaps, too pragmatic about these things to be a real activist or interested in social justice, but I haven't ever claimed to be anything but a sell-out.)

We have been watching a lot of The A-Team lately, so basically my brain ends up wanting to non-lethally roll over cars and explode stuff on people, as well as quoting Hannibal and B.A., so.

Also, as usual, just reading about SDCC gives me anxiety. And then I get anxiety about not liking the idea of it and being a killjoy.

ANYWAY. In good things:
- I may need to post my Rule 63 in-period A-Team on Twitter because it's so necessary. The occasional thing like this is why I guess I need a Tumblr, but I cannae be bothered.
- I have yet to figure out why so many people follow me on Twitter in the first place. I suspect it's, as mentioned in previous post, because I'm a useful links aggregate and occasionally let out a bit of snark and that's it.
- I do quite enjoy a bit of my RPs right now.
- I actually finished reading a book! Which is good because my copy of Hild is in and I will pick it up and it will be lovely.
- I kinda want to reread Feed because it's the summer of 2014 and #wwyr is so wonderfully creepy.


* I have a lot to say about the Wiscon situation that I am not saying because it won't help anybody and also because I suspect no one cares what I think.

Just as an FYI: Matt and I have safely returned to Glasgow along with all baggage (though slightly smushed but still edible boxes of US foodstuffs*) and raging cases of jetlag.

I have lots of thoughts about WisCon and stuff that's recently come out, which I will address later. Also, I'm really sad I missed the GOH speeches on Sunday--I've read them and they are both epic in different ways, both thoughts we should take to heart, and...I'm shitty at words right now. I did get to briefly meet and fangeek a little awkwardly at NK Jemisin.

I am sad about the death of Dr. Maya Angelou and irritated at the respectability politics that she's being used for already.

I am also angry, as those who follow me on Twitter know, about what went down in California and cannot really put thoughts together right now.

I am trying to read four or five books at once which is probably ill-advised.

I am really damn happy for lizzybees and S omg.

TO WORK TOMORROW, MY X-MEN.

* Realised I forgot to put this in the post: Cheezits, Cheetos, Quaker Oatmeal Squares, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, and other bits and pieces.

This post sort of starts in medias res because I can't figure out how to start it otherwise: I managed to be a responsible adult last week in epic ways, before starting to come down with a cold the day after. It whinged for a while as my body threw things at it, but then I ended up so poorly early this week I had to take a sick day for the first time in two years. (Oddly enough, I was also sick, though with GI issues, in early April 2012...idek.)

So this week has pretty much been a wash. Shit has not got done outwith work. And here we are in April and Easter is next week and the US in a month or so and I am thirty... cue existential crisis

A few things I know for sure, though.

I've not seen Winter Soldier so I feel a bit left out, but carry on squeefully!

I will be at Wiscon on the Friday so make your plans accordingly? (insert Sally Field moment here with not understanding why people like me so damn much.*) I need to vid for this omg, but my idea involves going through a ton of canon which is causing much anxiety.

In a similar vein, I finally am reading through the copy of the Year's Best SF that I picked up before going to Birmingham (2009, so this'd be YBSF 2008?) and now I remember why I stopped reading SF indiscriminately. Not just because of the obvious fail, but also the more insidious things...for example, I feel like I want someone to talk with about Ian McDonald and why his work creeps me out so much. Also, it's helped me realise that I made the right choice in not touching Bacigalupi's work. (Conceptually the protagonist's work and workplace in that story is a fantastic concept that rings stunningly true to today's social media and pageclick driven journalism. But that's negated and buried under the amount of sideeye I have to do because it's just...)

so many white dudes in this omg thank fuck there's at least an Aliette de Bodard story near the end and I think Nancy Kress is in it somewhere

This is part of my project to read more, and while it's not failing, I need to push myself a little harder, I think. Or track what I read over lunch better, because I don't tweet about what I don't find amazing.

I...have run out of steam thanks to exhaustion. Ask me things, instead, maybe?


* To deconstruct this, I think this is a combination of imposter syndrome and the fact that at school/work (e.g. social situations where the group is not self-selected) I have always been deemed 'pleasantly quirky' at best and 'wtf' at worst. Therefore I believe the negatives because I am a goddamn cynic.

How fantastic was today's Night Vale? THIS MUCH. (There will be something big soon, I am certain of it. Also much jealous for you people who have gone to the live shows or are there now because you're in Noho.)

How excited am I about Wiscon but terrified I won't get a membership as I need to book plane tickets first? THIS MUCH.

How busy has this week been from a work perspective? THIS MUCH.

How much am I not talking any more about Loncon or about the recent sideeye towards FAAB people in queer gaming because I have said everything I wanted to say on Twitter? THIS MUCH.

How much does this poem by alankria reflect my own feelings about my gender?

I struggled with words:
woman—fine
wife—fine
mother—fine
but not quite true;
they sat on me like plain jewellery: gleaming, comfortable
but mute.

THIS MUCH. (So much love.)

If you are one of those fortunate and lucky souls, might I encourage you to drop in at wiscon_vidparty?

There are many awesome vids, it is coordinated by awesome people, and while I am not there, I am premièring my Merlin vid at it. Otherwise you will have to watch it streaming from Vimeo like all of the rest of us.

So yes. You should go to there if you get a chance. I also suggest going by the Carl Brandon Society party and the Think Galactic party where the awesome Andrea Hairston will also be located.

I remain angry on the WisCon topic and I am not sure how to channel this anger into something productive that will be beneficial instead of just me me me me me. Working on it.

The post on UK psychiatry is still in the works, I promise. This week's just become intensely hairy thanks to the job application and the OAD wrapup. Speaking of, that's going into a finalish edit tomorrow, I think. I've come to the mindset that it will not be perfect ever, and therefore the Smith College axiom applies: Done Is Better Than Good.

I have also learned that I should never be a television presenter because I can't memorize lines for love or money, and thus my closing sequence is a bit pish.

And tomorrow I need to vote, and see about when would be best to get down to Birmingham, and figure out where to start with my defence essay, and learn to spell defense as defence...yeah.

Right, so, on the Elizabeth Moon WisCon issue. I suppose I will speak in bullet points, because I've had a long day and due to high school competitive civics, I now think that way 90% of the time. (e.g. concise and clear points with facts to back them up.)

Thanks, Mrs. Ratway. Thanks.

Carrying on, if you don't know what I'm talking about, consider ye deepad's post and link collection. I could go on for pages on why Moon's thinking is seriously fucked up on multiple levels (anti-Muslim, anti-immigrant, assimilationist dogshit), but I don't think that's really necessary unless you aren't convinced by real people's feelings and need a privileged person to provide historical evidence for the incorrect nature of her screed.

- Firstly: Nisi Shawl is also GoH at WisCon 35. I am not using this as something to push people towards going, it is just that Ms. Shawl's work is very good (yes, I have read some) and she does not deserve erasure when we're talking about another person erasing people. EMoon is not THE GoH, she is A GoH.

- I'm basically sitting here writing a post telling you that I don't think what happened was right, but I don't know if rescinding the invite would have done anything effectual either wrt the big picture of SFF as a whole, and that Cat Valente's slippery slope analogy, while problematic, applies on one level (though not to the extent she thinks, honestly).

- So basically I'm being a fence-sitter as usual. Fabulous.

- Thing is, I'm leaning towards disinvite, though, because having her at WisCon seriously hurts a lot of people and discomfits many others. And I do not want her to be there if that is the case, because that is like a turd in the damn punchbowl. And then next year people sit around and talk about going to parties, and they don't want to go to the party where there was previously turd punch, regardless of any steps to ensure punch clarity. It might take ages to restore party reputation, or some other party having worse punch in the meantime.

- That metaphor simile went on too long, sorry.

- Speculating, though, my guess is that the concom did do this for a single reason: PR. Moon's work does well in mainstream SF. Publicly alienating her could quite possibly lead to mainstream SF writing off WisCon as solely radical fringe instead of far-left. Which is bullshit. The productive things at WisCon need to hit mainstream SF, because it is so often a bigoted minefield. But we all know how well mainstream SF likes to listen to criticism and how slowly, even when there is willingness to change, things actually happen.

- So we're at a quandary. I mean, I would have preferred disinvitation, but even so, I can't help but wonder if there's some sort of middle-ground action that could have been taken at the very least, instead of this vague waving at constructive action. Censure? Is that possible? Not allowing her to do panels save a free-for-all where she'd be put under the microscope? Though that probably wouldn't do much good either.

Fuck, I don't know. The best thing would be if she didn't think like a fucking wankbucket in the first place.

(next up on this DW/LJ: Rhi's long tirade about how US jingoistic nationalism knows no political party and how she is tired of it.)