burning at the centre of time

Icon (on Dreamwidth) actually is not particularly representative of my feelings, which are more like 'eh' in terms of 'no fucks'.

- I have gotten back into knitting, yay! Knitting for my wee nibling (who will turn one next week, wow) does make things a bit easier, because they are small and therefore things progress quickly and I feel better about life yay.

- Right, I need to sign up for Festivids before I forget. NEED TO. And Night Vale novel! And Ancillary Mercy! And the books I got in Berlin at Borderlands! Clearly, I have bought too many physical books lately and I am worrying about having reached Peak Bookshelf, which could be ameliorated by me not borrowing books (e and paper) from the public library left and right. Not that that will ever really happen.

- In other ways, some parts of fandom are doing my head in. I don't really want to talk about it in public. Trust no one, carry a big stick.

- I need to plan for the Smith 10 year reunion, which means I need to think about money and plane tickets and renting a car 'cause Mom will still be in school and and and. Due to Memorial Day being wicked late this year and colleague schedules (read: everyone in my office is getting married next year), I need to be back here before Wiscon, which is a bit disappointing, but I shall persevere.

(Getting to know some cool folk on Twitter makes me vaguely want to run a con of my own in Glasgow for Cool Fans Living North Of The Home Counties. I'd call it something like ConeCon with the tagline lots of planets have a north!. But my organizational skills are terrible, so it'd just end up being people sitting in a pub anyway, talking rubbish.)

- My clin psych has recommended muscle relaxation techniques for me to try, less as an anxiety flareup curative and more to keep general equilibrium* during the rest of the time. Anyone tried this at all? I'm slightly worried about either falling asleep or it having no effect whatsoever, but I have committed to giving it a go.

* I used another ten-dollar word in a work email earlier this week, as a natural conversational word, noticed after I sent it, then felt vaguely relieved when no one called me out.

First of all, thanks so much to everyone who left me love in the love meme. You're too damn sweet and better than I deserve.

I turned 31 yesterday, and realised that 'Rock 'n Roll Never Forgets' is both too correct about being that age and completely off base. (Then again, I can't help but wonder if being 31 in 1976 wasn't demonstrative of a different maturity level than the age has today. ymmv.) On that note, for those who don't play along on Twitter: I became an aunt there is no gender neutral term for this relationship in any of the languages I can speak wtf the doting relative of a nephew a couple weeks back. This is also driving home the age thing, oh my god.

My return to blogging is going well and I am glad for it! I also wrote a speculative poem over the weekend and am now not sure what to do with it, as I don't write poetry generally. Would anyone who reads speculative poetry be able to beta read it at all and tell me if it's rubbish?

I have thoughts about SFF fandom but am holding fire right now.

If you are interested in my Festivids thoughts/planning, please give me a shout? No one on my circle/flist is my recipient.

My anxiety issues still running high but I am making progress a bit in CBT, which is something, at least. We are going on a long weekend this weekend and I am pretty sure I need it like none other, so yes. Good times.

Huh, perhaps I'm doing a bit better than I thought.

Finally had the first of my two sessions of CBT consult yesterday. Not sure if it will help me or what the outcome of the consult will be, but the clinical psych seems to be a respectful person, knowledgeable and empathetic about OCD, and I didn't have a hard time talking to her.

So that is a good thing, I think.

Doesn't do much for the Random Anxiety Flares in the meantime but I will, as ever, persevere.

So my LJ paid account ran out, but I'm really dubious about giving them monies. I was going to buy a paid DW account around my birthday, but in the meantime I'm a bit SOL when it comes to icons. Which is a pity because I am totally making an 'I'm on a horse...cow' Grover icon right now.

Suggestions, anyone? Money's not utterly tight, but I'd feel better spending (on DW) once I have birthday cash.

Also, I signed up for Festivids. Between all the ace people (especially laura47) talking about it, and doing editing on the Overambitious Dissertation...it all sort of threw me into it. Speaking of the OAD, I've rough-edited together two segments, for a total of about ten minutes. Suffice it to say, I'm pretty sure that I'll be in way over 25 minutes soon. Things are coming together, though I spent an hour trying to generate a starfield in After Effects.

There's also a post about OCD and the UK psychiatric system (as I experienced today), but that'll be later.

ETA: And a fun thing!

A brief note first: in light of what shit just went down as regards the topic of unsafe, I'm...just gonna pass on making a whole other post. Should you want to know what I would have said, antarcticlust sums it up well in her first two paragraphs here. Namely, being uncomfortable is important, because it means for once we (we = me + other white people) aren't just coasting on by, letting privilege protect us.

I probably would have been a bit less kind, though. I'm an angry person.

Now, to the rest of the post...a few notes from the Mad Seers, Holy Fools, and God–Touched panel at WisCon 34.

Let me say first that this panel seriously touched me and made me think, probably so much so that I bloody neglected to take down who necessarily said what or may have gotten that wrong in my frantic writing. I apologise to onceupon, revena, upstart_crow, and suzych for that. If anyone could provide further info or better notes, I'd be much obliged. My unspoken notes are in italics.

( snip. )
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All I can really say is my people. Seriously, the sense this whole damn thing made to this person with OCD...I just don't even. I have more to say about what I got out of this, but that may have to wait until tomorrow, as I am beat...yay for medication fatigue.

There may be a rant about how OCD isn't taken seriously. Stay tuned.

ETA: If you want to fill in the blanks and expand upon things that I didn't, check out sophy's panel report.