burning at the centre of time

How fantastic was today's Night Vale? THIS MUCH. (There will be something big soon, I am certain of it. Also much jealous for you people who have gone to the live shows or are there now because you're in Noho.)

How excited am I about Wiscon but terrified I won't get a membership as I need to book plane tickets first? THIS MUCH.

How busy has this week been from a work perspective? THIS MUCH.

How much am I not talking any more about Loncon or about the recent sideeye towards FAAB people in queer gaming because I have said everything I wanted to say on Twitter? THIS MUCH.

How much does this poem by alankria reflect my own feelings about my gender?

I struggled with words:
woman—fine
wife—fine
mother—fine
but not quite true;
they sat on me like plain jewellery: gleaming, comfortable
but mute.

THIS MUCH. (So much love.)

- anxiety. anxiety. anxiety. ( cut for potential triggers? )

- Potentially linked, I had dysphoria yesterday. It had been a while. Not fun.

- Things I am (perhaps irrationally) afraid of doing: alienating people on Twitter. not finishing my Festivid on time. sucking at my job. spending money. being upset about how I look.

- I am frustrated with myself for being too anxious to use Tumblr for anything but RP, because it seems nearly everyone I know is bloody on there and I should be if I want to keep up with them. But I really, really cannot use Tumblr for fandom and/or social justice. Cannot.

- Speaking of my Festivid, I'm massively irritated with the fact that all my old video converters no longer seem to work with Mountain Lion and upwards, except for MPEG Streamclip. Any advice? I'm playing the render-as-I-go game because of it, and I don't really have time to figure out what to do in this case, but going forward it'd be useful.

- On that same note: Mavericks upgrade, y/n?

- Welcome to Night Vale makes me happy. I still have headcanons for you, one of these days.

- I'm not doing a What I Read/Watched sticky this year because it is too damn guilt-inducing for me at the end of the year. If you're really curious, I'll still be updating my GoodReads periodically.

- I am doing better in life than this post makes out, I just am having an anxious. I swear.

Questions? Comments? I like comments.

Delightfully and a touch maudlin-reflective today, as I stare at 30 and 30 stares back at me. I need to remind myself that I have done things and I am good and Julia Child didn't even know how to cook until she was 40.

( just in case this might bother people. )

There are things I want to do at thirty, though--blog a lot more, read a lot more, write a lot more, vid a lot more. I NEED ACCOUNTABILITY. I need to figure out how to sort this--suggestions welcome.

Also:
- If you follow me on Twitter, I've posted quotes and music videos from the #1s of the day, like the true recent history geek that I am.
- Shout if you have a 3DS and would like to be friends omg. matt got me pokemonz let me show you them...once I have actually started playing.

Augh, been ages since I posted here, like a dumbass. Things are fine. Work is busy like nothing else due to huge project looming, relationship is good, the weather is classic Scotland (read: lousy), I'm RPing a bit more and it's a lot of fun.

In the fandom sense...GRAVITY FALLS? Probably the cleverest, darkest 'kids show' I've seen in a while, and that includes DW. Like, early Community levels of clever, this.

I will say it's not without problematic aspects, mind, it being made in the US right now, but I, well, I never thought I would love a Disney show. Seriously. My only other complaint is that there's not a ton of good fic on AO3.

...by the way all of you who are into Night Vale might get a kick out of it. hint. hint. I am starting to listen to WtNV and am liking it so far, enough to keep listening, anyway. It sort of reminds me of my fondness for Prairie Home Companion in my youth, except more fucked up and less Lutheran.

How are you? What should I be paying attention to? Why did I start to tag this post with Tumblr RP tags?

Just as I get a new computer, my old one has a hard drive failure.

Lost some of my stuff. Paid $250 to get what I did, but...there wasn't much else for it. Sigh.

This lede's probably gonna get buried amongst all the whinging and hand-wringing about another conservative Catholic having a hate-on for queer people, but yeah, uh, about Pope Francis' potential complicity [second link] with the Argentinian junta? (And, for that matter, several Argentinians involved in social justice speaking out about the Catholic church in Argentina during that period?)

I'd be concerned. That's all.

Irritated because reading Yuletide recs (there've been a couple of standouts) and stuff from former fandoms of mine (POTC OT3) make me wish I'd written something awesome. Except I've had good reasons not to.

GDI BRAIN.

In happier news:
- Holidays were okay save for train journey back and the fact that I was incubating a cold.
- The cold has now turned into sinusitis, which leads to headaches I can't budge without ibuprofen (oddly), but I'm not supposed to take ibuprofen due to bad reactions with SSRIs.
- My visa app is now sitting with the HO and has been for two weeks or so. They've taken my money and I've got a letter confirming they're reviewing the app, so the latter means I can keep my job, thank god.
- The Royal Institute Christmas Lectures this year are quite good again, for those with iPlayer access.
- augh crap must get festivid done
- Among other nifty Crimbo swag--Matt got me the last Manhunter book. Huzzah for complete collections!

On the second point as a PSA (I know many of you take SSRIs or know someone who does)--I've been on Prozac for over half my life and had never been previously told that apparently you increase your risk of GI bleed and stomach ulcers by a very large amount if you are on an SSRI while taking an NSAID (e.g. ibuprofen, naproxen).

There's a bunch of literature to support this from over the last decade or so, not just one study, so please keep this in mind going forward; personally, I would run the risk for one-offs, but I think it'd probably be a bad plan to regularly take NSAIDs otherwise.

Right. 29th birthday* resolution--to blog at least once a week at my public blog.

Not sure what about yet, suggestions are good!


* yesterday, when I started writing this post and then in-laws turned up.

In real life/fandom life:
- I need to do some RPing once I get back to the UK (next few days) and get post-jetlag and back into the work week, but I'm feeling a little meh about it right now. Make me un-meh?

- I've have realised just how much my migraines may be stress-related--I've had to take painkillers maybe twice since going on vacation. Unfortunately, having an anxiety disorder does not make for not having a stressful life. damn.

- I'm trying to finish Flora Segunda before I leave town tomorrow (library book) but I'm having limited luck. I know if I just buckle down it'll be fine, but still. so unmotivated.

- Oh my god why can the UK not have libraries like the MCFLS?

- Seche Vite without a basecoat chips like a mofo. Does anyone have any advice? I was so chuffed to score some here because it costs close to ten quid in Britain (also got the two Hunger Games CG polishes on clearance at Ulta for $4.99 each whut).

In current events:
- The Tony Scott story has made me really sad today, and if reports of his condition are true, it hits a little too close to home. Not sure why it's made me so mopey, but still.

- I don't feel compelled to comment much on Akin because I am pretty sure we are all, regardless of political affiliation, in accord (and if we are not, then what are you doing here): what the fuck.

- I do feel compelled as a Wisconsinite to inform you that Paul Ryan is even more of a douchebag than you already think he is. No, seriously. (If you are a moderate Republican, I would ask you to reconsider your vote.) I've lived in MA under Romney and WI while Ryan's been in office, and neither of them have done anything stellar, but Ryan has been an embarrassment to the state.

And finally:
- okay I love this Kate Spencer icon I made ngl even if it doesn't match my mood. KATE SPENCER ON ARROW means I might even watch it. Cheers to carthaginians and bossymarmalade for the info. Also (and Mags is gonna kill me for saying this) Stephen Amell is a little bit eyecandy, though he doesn't look much like even New52 Ollie Queen to me.

Had colposcopy. About as fun as it sounds. I would go into the (actually sort of nifty) TMI details but I am tired and need a nap, and I have been told the cramps cometh. Bah.

ETA: Not for cancer or pre-cancerous cells, which is what comes up when I google 'colposcopy'.

Also, it's nearly the ides and I have done fuck all for TR this month. (cue Roast Beef)