burning at the centre of time

It's probably bad to have an existential crisis of the think I'll go eat worms variety at this time, as my usual coping mechanisms aren't really functioning well.

I shall, as ever, and as I told my psych this afternoon, fucking soldier on. But at some point I'd really rather not have to just do that.

So I keep mulling over the idea that I should change my Tumblr or get a second one to talk about political stuff. Because it seems like that is where All The Discourse is happening in real time these days, and then I get lost and confused when people bring stuff up here or on Twitter.

Except when I think about it hard enough, I realise that that wouldn't be good for my brain.

Because, see, Tumblr for me works really well to post pictures of sexy people and cute animals and ridiculous stuff and the occasional thought too long for Twitter. But I find it really intensely difficult to follow all the intricacies of a complicated discussion on there. I need responses and discussion on one page or with a diagram with easy to follow hyperlinks like a branching tree. For me, the Tumblr method is great for clicking about, a la a bored day of Wikipedia surfing, but I can't read it for srs bsns unless I'm sticking to one person.

Otherwise I miss stuff that's really vitally important and don't have the spoons to go chasing it down. Hell, I neglect to answer LJ/DW comments and I get emails about those, ffs.

It's not Tumblr, it's me. My brain is borked. It's a self-realisation that is awkward as hell. And I'm angry at myself for not getting it because there is interesting shit going on that I'm missing.

More on the psychiatrist later.